Queen Scenes (Number Two)

Scene: Buckingham Palace, The Queen's Sitting Room, Thursday Evening.
The Queen is following the best World Cup goals in YouTube on her laptop.

Queen: I say, Philip, have you seen that chap Maicon's goal against North Korea?

Philip: I don't know how you find the time to pootle around in the Internet. One would think you would have your hands full trying to prevent your government from fiddling their expenses! And surely you mean South Korea?

Queen: One's decided to leave all that administration faffing to David Cameron. After all, he was at Eton and Oxford and he is a descendant of William IV.

Philip: Well, I'm sure that qualifies him to run the §$%&/ country!

Queen: Plainly it does, Philip. If you took the time to "pootle around in the Internet" like oneself, as you describe it, you could read on Wikipedia that Mr. Cameron's government is a coalition - the last coalition government being the one led by Winnie Churchill, who attended Harrow School and whose examination paper for Latin there consisted of one large blob of ink.

Philip: Well I'm damned. Do you think that Cameron chappie knows the difference between North and South Korea?

Queen: One hardly considers that to be an issue. One of them is the Democratic People's Republic of Korea and the other is the Republic of Korea. One is reminded of that film "Brian's Life" with the People's Front of Judea and the Judean People's Front. They are clearly both republics, they have people and one is sure they are all democratic. Anyway, have you seen that goal or not?

Philip: I downloaded that YouTube video to my Facebook profile yesterday. And in case you're wondering, no, I'm not going to add you as a Facebook friend! I don't want you publishing those photos of my Polo bloopers. Twitter all you want but don't poke me on Facebook!